Watch it Grow

Everyday we are tempted by something - money, materials, food and so on. One of the reasons why I hate December so much is that when you work for a company that focuses on food, you tend to get A LOT of it. Yes, we get much of it thoughout the year, but of course it increases immensely during the holiday season. So when we do get this food (ranging from cheese, meat, speicalty chocolates, foreign confectionaries, etc.) where does it go? Well most would think to the kitchen, but that's not the case. It goes to the counter by my desk. Yes, right in my line of vision. Right now I have an assortment of nuts, cholocate truffles, specialy dark chocolate and a entire line-up of the Hershey holiday gang. I'm thinking of tagging a price on everthing and making a little cash on the side.

It's death because I appreicate fine foods such as these from far away places, but yet I need to hold back. As much as I love things growing (like my bank account or our GDP) I'm not a fan of a growing ass. So how do I rid of my temptations? Whenever I think of eating the food I instead bring it over to the President and force him to have something or I discretly pick out a piece and randomly throw it away. This way I don't eat anything but yet I rid of it faster. Clever yes, does it really work....eh.....sometimes. I do have some weak moments when my arm overtakes me and let's me take a bite. Horrible and disgusting, I know. I can't wait for the season to be done with.

*******

There are just some things in life that must be shared.......and this is one of them. Snarkywood is a small obession of mine. It's basically a blog-like site that posts photos of a person/persons and 'snarks' on them. It's pure genius and makes me laugh so hard that I must read it at home (afraid of getting fired). This last post was by far one of my favorite. Topic: Food Network Idols. Nice to know that they feel the same as me when it comes to Sandra Lee and her "semi-drunk" show and Rachael "I can't say Extra Virgin Olive Oil" Ray. Read it. Don't be afraid to laugh because really, it's okay.....only a million other Food Network addicts feel the same as you.

DC Sleeps Tonight

I'm back and it feels good... I will say that with each trip to MN I take the less and less excited I am to go there. Not because I don't like MN, it's just that I'm settled into my ways and life in DC and hate for it to be interrupted; hence me refusing to pack until an hour before the flight.

Anyway..Christmas is done. Yay. I'm happy for the holiday for the true meaning of it but like Charlie Brown I get sick of the 'commercialism' of it all. Although, unlike Charlie Brown I don't go out and get a scrappy tree, I instead decorated less, spent more time with those I actually like and did everything on the minimal level. It was nice, 'cept my minimalist view didn't coincide with my mom's. Now first of all....I have a kickass mom, but she is a little too much like Chevy Chase in the movie National Lampoons Christmas Vacation. She tries to do EVERYTHING and gets all mushy. Two things I can't deal with well. But I lived through it....thank God.

I am disappointed though in a few things during my trip back to the homeland. A) There was hardly ANY snow. I saw a few flakes which resulted in me shouting "Thank God for this!" after getting off of the plane (yes, I got a lot of strange looks). B) Forgetting half of my luggage (for some reason I pack better when I'm intoxicated) and C) My cell decided right at 11:59 pm on Thursday night to go to cellphone heaven. That resulted in me going and buying a new one which led to the following:

Scene: Walking into TM Store.....
Me: *gritting teeth* "I don't want to be here. I liked my cellphone,
it was good to me....most of the time."*Looking at cell accessories* "Whoever
buys these jewel things needs to be shot."(muttered under my breath)
TM Rep: "Can I help you? I understand you want some jewel
accessories."
Me: *ignoring the smartass* "Yes, I'd like a phone that let's me take calls and make calls."
TM Rep: *blank stare and stiffled laugh* "Ummmm...okay, we've got some
Razors you might like."
Me:"No. Everyone has a damn Razor."
TM Rep: "Well here's this one for a nice price. It has a MP3 player
and takes excellent video...let me show you." *shows video*
Me: "Turn that off. I'll buy it because you seem like a nice guy."
Ten minutes later, I have a new phone. Bad thing though is
that all my numbers couldn't change over to my new phone because either the
guy was stupid or there was that much wrong with the death of my old
phone. I'm going with the first one.

But in true holiday fashion I had more "happy" moments than bad ones...for example:

I got to spend a lot of time with cousins I haven't seen in ages. And when you get 7 20 somethings together for two days, lots of quality trouble can happen (though it will not make this blog). I also got to spend some time with my new nephew and two nieces, who hold some of the families best genes. I'm thinking, we've got us a future Gopher wrestler and two Olympic gymnasts. And one of the greatest moments was.........*drum roll*........I GOT A BOWLING BALL!!!!!!!!

Yes, it was an amazing moment. Of all the presents it is my most cherised one. I don't know why, but it is. It's a pretty pink marbled one with my name on it. It was so much fun to have it fitted just for me today and I'm sure the guy helping me thinks I have a crush on him. In all reality I was gazing at my new ball, not him. But I'll just let him dream (haha).

So yes, the great holiday moments of 2006 are done. I need to now make it through the next two long days of work before the 4 day weekend for the New Year. Let's hope I can make it seeing there is NO ONE left in DC right now. The city is dark and lonely and my phone is barely ringing (okay that's a lie, but when half of your friends are gone it's really dead and boring). Maybe this will give me some time to find a bowling league to join!

I'm a Slug

Do you ever go through a week where you’re just completely bitchy? It doesn’t matter what’s going on - all you feel is disgusting and tired. If so, I now remember what it feels like and it sucks royally.

I’m a lucky girl though because I have around a dozen awesome friends who have been tiredly trying to rid of my passion for bitchiness over the last week (I’m thinking there is now a special place in heaven for them). A few of them tried it by doing drinks…..you’d think I could cure it with alcohol but that was a negative…..it just made it worse. I’m so crabby that I can’t even fathom downing a nice cool gin and tonic.

Another friend tried it by planning our New Years. That started to soften the mood until I remembered that New Year’s is my least favorite holiday on earth. Seriously, it’s just another day that goes into a new calendar year. Woohooo……don’t forget to toot the horn and wear that crazy party hat!!!! *please note sarcasm* I’m sure you’ve guessed it….I don’t bother making any resolutions. I feel that you can do that at anytime/day of the year.

And let’s not forget the wonderful man who made me pecan pie. I’m sure he thought it would help….knowing that he even made it from scratch (note: the pecans were from his home back in AL). Not only did he make pie but offered it with a fine ale during a football game. In normal times I’d be in my glory, but instead I just sat there and booed life. Okay, I booed mostly things such as the organic market (long story), marriage and federal funding. But I’ll hand it to him; he booed right along with me.

You see, having this mood not only makes me feel crabby but like a bad person. I’ll soon be leaving for home over the holiday. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to go home but I’m afraid this crabby side is just gonna stay. And when you get me around family being all damn perky cause it’s the holidays I have this awesome ability to counteract it with my most wicked attitude you’ll ever witness.

I have not clue as to why I’m crabby. I’ve got some of the best friends on earth, a family who is there for me 24/7 and a job that keeps me secure. Not to mention, I have a social life better than that of college. So instead of finding a scapegoat with any relevance I’ll just chalk it up to the weather. I’m sick of people being jolly over the stupid 73 degree weather we have here. NO WHERE IN HELL do they show happy Christmas commercials where there ISN’T snow outside. But noooo…..we LOVE this warm weather. My gosh, we’re NOT in the south so please Mother Nature, do something about it (ahem, drop the temp about 50 degrees). So I’ve got happy peeps in DC and then crabby peeps in MN cause of the warm weather. And yeah, I hate them both. Not the people but the weather and what it’s doing to me. Winter is my best season and it has yet to arrive. Maybe I’m just getting anxious. Regardless……if I don’t get any cold weather I will go crazy. Sleeping with my window open and a fan on at night just like I did back in July just seems so wrong.

So, I’m just sitting here with a list of stuff to do but just too darn crabby to get my tush off the seat and do it. And of course, I’m upset about that. It’s official, I’m a slug who takes long showers, stares at the tv and wears a robe whenever possible. Okay, I’m only home about a few hours of the day to let that happen, but yet, I’ve mastered the ‘slug’ art during those few precious “me” hours.

Alrighty – I’m going to go now and take a nap before I got to bed.

That's a Nice Drill You've Got There.

I will tell you one thing. Spending 3 hours with a dentist at a time will give you enough time to observe a few things. Not that he’s nice or a good conversationalist because you really can’t talk to the man who’s digging around in your mouth. (All I could do to make a point was a thumbs up sign or a grimace to let him know if I was okay or not). The great thing though is that you can check out some physical features during those three blissful (thank you Novocain) hours. For me I could observe three things very well – the color of his eyes (chocolate brown), his hair (full sandy blond hair) and how tight his abdominal muscles are (VERY TONED!....he had to lean into me cause it was a far back tooth).

When I got back to the office I was a little light headed (thanks to all the drugs) so mentioning this to my co-worker seemed like a great idea…..of course she gave me the “are you crazy?” look and said something loud enough for our boss to hear. Of course that brought out his curiosity and he walked in and said “Who’s got nice hair?” I then proceed to tell him about my dentist. Explaining how difficult of a time I had trying to figure out whether he was married or not. Sadly I still don’t know. As soon as I went into detail on how I knew he had well toned abs my boss shook his head and said “Sometimes you give me a heart-attack.”

There is a reason for his comment….you see my boss is a ‘lucky’ man who works with three women who are the ages of 24, 25 and 34. One is married, the other has a long-term boyfriend and then there’s me…the single one. So of course everyone focuses on why I’m single and then figure out if there’s a way to fix that. We do talk about the each others relationships but yet, again, I really don’t have a real one so that is why they like to hone in on me. Of course I tend to shy away from it even though it can be funny at times, such as being set-up with a Canadian during the Stanley Cup. Or my boss trying to tell me where to go for a first date….explaining what the different prices of a meal would mean for payback. He was also kind enough to point out that a CVS was on the way home. If that didn’t turn me red, I don’t know what would have!

So naturally to get them off of my back I tell them of my odd crushes and the latest, of course, being my dentist. Yes, that is an odd crush to have. But I figured he’d be a good guy to marry for several reasons. A) We already know he’s gainfully employed. B) Free dental care (and I NEED that!) and C) If he doesn’t mind kissing me AFTER he’s seen what the inside of my mouth looks like, then he’s got to be a good man.

Sadly, I don’t think me strategy is working. Oh well…..there’s always the UPS guy.

my boys

There’s a show now on TBS called my boys. Just by chance I came across it one night sitting around at home. Let’s just say, wow, it was like looking into a mirror. Not that I look a lot (or at all) like PJ, the main character, but there was a point where I felt as if that show was a total reflection of my life (in most parts). Here you have a girl who hangs out with these five guys. PJ, is basically one of THE guys. She loves baseball and puts sports first. (I'm the girl who cried because she missed her first home wrestling match for the Gophers in three years). She’s not over dressy and would rather spend a night with her buddies drinking beer and watching sports rather than going out for girly things.

I, like PJ, have five pretty close guy friends that I consistently hang-out with. We have our bar, Stub and Herbs (on My Boys it's Crowleys) where they know us all by name and our favorite drinks. We watch and argue over sports and almost all of us agree that baseball is a true religion. Relationships for all of us can be touch and go so more than not you’ll find us back at square one, or should I say, Sterbs. The poker part is the one thing we don’t have going for us….this is probably because none of us are really good at it (that I know of) and we would rather spend (waste) our money on other things…a.k.a beer.

Another commonality I have with PJ is the fact that the dating is difficult. I guess the new guy gets a little turned off when he discovers your five closest friends are of the male origin. Not to mention with my boys......they don't take to new people too well. Another problem with having all male friend is that you can easily forget to look for men when you are always with them.

One of the finer moments that I've had (like PJ) was whenever I would attempt to dress-up, the boys couldn't figure out why and they would make fun of me for doing so. This is probably the reason for my love for the ‘nice’ shirt, jeans and moccasins. For some reason, they find that hard to mock. (okay that was a lie, I have been called Pocahontas by them).

Unfortunately ‘my boys’ are all (‘cept for one) back in the Midwest and I’m in DC. I miss them all terribly. But I have found that they are truly my boys because no matter how little or how much I see them, they still love me….okay, they have weird ways of showing it; such as telling me that I smell (I even got a phone call one time claiming that the Governor of Colorado agreed I smelled), rolling their eyes and sighing when I start buying cosmos and consistently hitting my arm until it bruises. The list could go on forever! But I also know that they really care because they’ve allowed me on guy trips and have been there for me in some of my worst and best times (that list can go on too but who needs to hear the mushy stuff?!).

Yep. Those are My Boys and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.

My Life Soundtrack!

I'm a loser who is extremely hungover right now so instead of getting ready for my party I'm talking on the phone with a friend and figuring out time wasting stuff like - "if you're life was a soundtrack this is what you'd hear!" What you had to do was go into your music library, put it on shuffle and then list the songs down the line to the scene. I will admit that mine was VERY....ummmm....embarrassing.

So here's what it is............

Opening Credits: I’m Through – Vic Chestnutt

Waking Up: Never Saw Blue Like That – Shawn Colvin

First Day At School: Her, You and I – The Changes

Falling In Love: You’re Still the One - Orleans

Shower Scene: Cheer for Me – 95 South

Fight Song: Let’s Stay Together – Al Green

Breaking Up: Back Where I Belong – Alison Moyet

Prom: Just Between You and Me – April Wine

Life's OK: See Ya – Atomic Kitten

Mental Breakdown: Deeper – Attica Blues

Driving: Mickey – B*Witched

Sex Scene: When I See You Smile – Bad English

Flashback: Can’t Get Enough of Your Love – Barry White

Getting Back Together: Taxman – The Beatles

Wedding: Eleanor Rigby – The Beatles

Birth of Child: In the Blood – Better Than Ezra

Final Battle: Drive – Bic Runga

Funeral Song: As If – Blaque ft. Joey Fatone, Jr.

End Credits: Winding – Bonnie Somerville

An Etiquette I'll Never Understand

I've been in DC for almost 8 months now. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday other days I feel as if I've been here for years. For the most part I love it between the various people, things to do and of course the politics. But there is something that I wasn't fully prepared for...the etiquette.

You see, there's a certain type of etitquette for everywhere you go. Now when I say etiquette, I'm not talking place settings and when you're suppose to serve to the left or right. I'm talking about what is normally expected of you because you live/work in that area. I caught on pretty fast but it wasn't until today when I realized how crazy some of it is. So here is my list of etiquette 'rules' that I've discovered since moving here.

If you are a career person, not married and live/work in DC you need to follow the following:
1. ALWAYS have a business card on you. Business IS pleasure here.
2. Always stand on the right side of the escalator in the Metro stations.
3. When approaching the opposite sex walking a dog - stop, smile, pet and flirt.
4. Attending at least one happy hour a week is required.
5. Within the first five minutes of meeting someone you must discuss politics and religion.
6. Checking your Blackberry and taking phone calls during dinner is appropriate.
7. When giving directions to people you must always include the closest metro stop.
8. Shake hands first time, hug second time, kiss on cheek and hug from then on (for greeting a friend).
9. A half smile and nod is the equivalent of full eye contact and a hug in MN....so watch it.
10. Be close to your friends and closer to your enemies (i.e. invite EVERYONE to your functions....word gets around if they aren't on the list).
11. Girl - allow the men to buy you drinks, they are offended if you don't.
12. Everyone should own a black winter coat - color is too risky.
13. Boy - always make sure the girl gets home safetly.
14. Business casual is the new t-shirt and jeans.
15. Going to political socials is more important than going to sporting events.

Now, if you know me, you'd know that I disagree with most of these. For instance, I said no to a political event and a happy hour tonight because the Gophers were wrestling Okie Sate. Even though I can't watch it on TV I will sit myself infront of the computer for live updates the entire night. (I'm doing that right now!.....we're currently ahead...*nervous, very nervous*). To me, very few things come before my Golden Gopher Wrestling team and I wasn't about to start letting my guard down.

But then again, I agree with some of the etiquette such as boys watching out for the girl or the escalator thing. Yet, I do miss the days when I can sit at home, wear crappy clothes, crack open a beer and yell at hockey on the TV. Until then...who's up for cocktails in Georgetown?