An Etiquette I'll Never Understand

I've been in DC for almost 8 months now. Sometimes it seems just like yesterday other days I feel as if I've been here for years. For the most part I love it between the various people, things to do and of course the politics. But there is something that I wasn't fully prepared for...the etiquette.

You see, there's a certain type of etitquette for everywhere you go. Now when I say etiquette, I'm not talking place settings and when you're suppose to serve to the left or right. I'm talking about what is normally expected of you because you live/work in that area. I caught on pretty fast but it wasn't until today when I realized how crazy some of it is. So here is my list of etiquette 'rules' that I've discovered since moving here.

If you are a career person, not married and live/work in DC you need to follow the following:
1. ALWAYS have a business card on you. Business IS pleasure here.
2. Always stand on the right side of the escalator in the Metro stations.
3. When approaching the opposite sex walking a dog - stop, smile, pet and flirt.
4. Attending at least one happy hour a week is required.
5. Within the first five minutes of meeting someone you must discuss politics and religion.
6. Checking your Blackberry and taking phone calls during dinner is appropriate.
7. When giving directions to people you must always include the closest metro stop.
8. Shake hands first time, hug second time, kiss on cheek and hug from then on (for greeting a friend).
9. A half smile and nod is the equivalent of full eye contact and a hug in MN....so watch it.
10. Be close to your friends and closer to your enemies (i.e. invite EVERYONE to your functions....word gets around if they aren't on the list).
11. Girl - allow the men to buy you drinks, they are offended if you don't.
12. Everyone should own a black winter coat - color is too risky.
13. Boy - always make sure the girl gets home safetly.
14. Business casual is the new t-shirt and jeans.
15. Going to political socials is more important than going to sporting events.

Now, if you know me, you'd know that I disagree with most of these. For instance, I said no to a political event and a happy hour tonight because the Gophers were wrestling Okie Sate. Even though I can't watch it on TV I will sit myself infront of the computer for live updates the entire night. (I'm doing that right now!.....we're currently ahead...*nervous, very nervous*). To me, very few things come before my Golden Gopher Wrestling team and I wasn't about to start letting my guard down.

But then again, I agree with some of the etiquette such as boys watching out for the girl or the escalator thing. Yet, I do miss the days when I can sit at home, wear crappy clothes, crack open a beer and yell at hockey on the TV. Until then...who's up for cocktails in Georgetown?