Letters

Dear Rocky –

I look forward to the night of ½ price burgers at
Whitlows. Often times I cannot arrive until way past my regular dinner
time thus giving you a very hungry girl which is better known as a very grumpy
girl. With that I do not find it necessary for you to crack dumb jokes
when I try to order my usual (okay I’ve only had it 3 times in the past year)
but still when I way “may I have the Yoelddler” I expect you to simply go on and
ask me if I would like to substitute my fries for slaw or onion rings. I
don’t need the “Oh…we don’t have one here but there may be one down the
street.” With that kind of ass-musings I will start deducting from your
tip.

Please remember that for next time.

Sincerely,

Me

Don’t worry, I tipped him well. And I named him Rocky because he sounded just like Rocky Balboa…though, sadly, he didn’t look like him.

******

Dear Gym Goers at Colonial Place,

I like all of you, really I
do. But you’re annoying the hell out of me lately. Between the
bajillion Dixie cups left half-full of water on the counter and the lack of
sanitizing the machines before you leave them I’m in pure disgust. YOU may
be okay with sharing sweat with someone else but I’m not. Not to be a
jerk, but when I see you sweating all over something and then just up and leave
(with perspiration still dripping from the handle bars of the elliptical
machine) I want to vomit.

I know I can just clean them off
before I do my thing, but that’s not the point. I wouldn’t want someone to
have to slip and slide over all of my germs and sweat. It’s not
nice. I might as well come and wring my sweat towel/rag (yes, I sweat big
time and it’s gross….ack!) over you if you like to share your sweat with the
rest of the gym.

And to the guys who literally check themselves out
in the mirror 99% of the time they are doing their 20 lb (ha!) reps. Yeah,
I’m the youngest gal there. I’m sure Joan and Margie aren’t interested in
your lack of bulging biceps. And to Norma….please, for heaven’s sake, stop
moaning when you ride the stationary bicycle. A) You aren’t even doing a
tough level (I’ve looked) and B) It sounds like you’re ….. ummmm… doing the
deed! Yuck! You grossed me out so much the first time that I had to
cut my workout short!

Best,

Not-a-fan of Sweat

So I’m back to doing my daily, twice a day workouts. People think I’m nuts but in all reality it’s because I’m lazy. Yeah, I know, that doesn’t make sense. But I am very lazy as in – I’m a horrible dieter. It’s summertime people….that means grilling out. I NEED to workout after devouring endless hamburgers, hotdogs, steak, marinated chicken and shrimp every weekend. Secondly, I sweat when I walk to work. I figured I didn’t want to ruin my work clothes so I’d just wear workout clothes to work and then change there. Well…since I’m already in them, might as well workout. And finally, I workout after work too is due to the fact my morning session is too short (hey, I want to watch Coach at 6 am) for it to be worthwhile so I need to extend it to the later part of the day. Thus, I workout twice a day cause I’m lazy.

Anyway, back to what I was attempting to say…..now that I’m back from my week-long hiatus from the gym people have been getting on my nerves for their lack of courtesy. May I point out that we don’t pay for the use of this gym? It’s part of our campus so it’s free for all who work on our campus. I don’t think it would hurt for people to at least attempt to keep it clean AND as germ free as possible. Germs already are very abundant at gyms…why help add to it?

So, I’m thinking of strapping on a can of Lysol and following around some people. Maybe they’ll get the hint next time.