Country Roads and Myths

Today capped it all off. After I had spent 3 grueling hours at the Arlington county DMV I decided to take out the map of Virginia for the first time since I’ve arrived and randomly pick a spot. I closed my eyes and let my finger land wherever. It ended up on a little village called Colonial Beach. I decided, “what the hell, I have a headache and I need a break….let’s go.” It was a nice little spot that reminded me of my hometown where all roads either lead to water or a dead end. Everyone knows everyone and there’s that one restaurant located on the water and has the cheesy so-called-live music.

But the whole reason for my road trip was lead on by the following:

The time at the DMV had hit every nerve imaginable and was topped off by my most recent DMV friends….Hans Christian Hemmesch and his wife Katherine. They were a nice Birkenstock couple that obviously voted for the opposite wing; but we became semi-close friends during our 3 hour stint. It started with me borrowing her pen, which lead on to a discussion about democracy and the numbering system at the DMV.

Of course after Hans saw my Minnesota license we started down the road of comparing Minnesota to the entire east. Even though this couple was unique in itself they ended up falling into the same mindless pit of questions that everyone from the east feels is appropriate or funny to those from Minnesota. Apparently the Minnesota ‘race’ is something of a unique culture that these people cannot grasp. They might as well declare the entire state another country for all I care after having to deal with some of the many dumb comments and questions.

So in honor of Hans and Katherine, I’ve decided to share some of these questions and statements that have come my way in the past month. (With, of course, my two cents)

1.“So being from Minnesota, it must be a requirement to listen to Garrison Keillor? That is so cool!” (I said yes sarcastically, only to regret it…seeing I did meet with Garrison two years ago and was on his show.)
2.“How deep is the snow right now?” (Who the hell taught you geography?!?”)
3.“Oh, I knew a girl from Minnesota, I’m not sure where from, but she was 10 hours away from the nearest airport.” (Are you sure she wasn’t from Canada?)
4.“There’s Norwegians in Minnesota, right?” (yeah, I guess, and why’s that applicable to today?)
5.“Isn’t there that mall, what’s it called? Oh yeah, Mall of America, have you ever been there?” (Again people, it’s a mall, when I need to shop, I go to the nearest mall)
6.“Didn’t you have that crazy governor?” (Why can’t we forget that time?)
7.“How many hours was your farm from a town?” (5 minutes dumbass, we’re not in Russia)
8.“We have a lot of mosquitoes out here, have you ever had a mosquito bite?” (No, I just come from a place where we have 15,000 lakes and no mosquitoes.)
9.“Wait till you experience the humidity, seeing you’re from the Midwest, I’m sure you don’t know what it’s like.” (Yeah, summers barley get above 50 degrees.)
10.“That’s funny, you don’t sound like you’re from Fargo.” (That’s because I’m NOT from Fargo and by the way, Fargo is in North Dakota)

There's more, but I need to keep a list....I just might update this when better ones come along. Trust me, there will be more.